The 12 Best Quotes from Jurassic Park

Saturday, June 22, 2019

Jurassic Park. Those words can send shivers down the spine of any dinosaur fanatic. The 1993 science-fiction slash action slash adventure film is a bona fide classic of modern cinema and a general all-around great way to spend a couple hours. Though the franchise has seen better days—seriously, Fallen Kingdom?—the original can’t be beat for its perfect storm of realistic effects, charming characters and expert direction from a certain Mr. Steven Spielberg.

But it’s not all teeth and claws. The humans occupying screen space manage to squeeze in some highly quotable material between maulings. And, no, they’re not all Jeff Goldblum. Here are 12 of the best.

1. That awe-inspiring bienvenue

“Welcome to Jurassic Park.” — John Hammond

Simple, straightforward and effective as hell. Entrepreneur and kindly grandfather John Hammond’s weighty words feel directed as much toward viewers as they do the protagonists.

2. Ian Malcolm being blunt

“That is one big pile of shit.” — Ian Malcolm

Indeed. That is one big pile of shit.

3. Ian Malcolm waxing philosophical

“Life, uh, finds a way.” — Ian Malcolm

This has been memed to hell and back. You know this. We know this.

4. Ellie Sattler perfecting the art of the playful dig

“There is no doubt our attractions will drive kids out of their minds.” — John Hammond
“What are those?” — Dr. Alan Grant
“Small versions of adults, honey.” — Ellie Sattler

Oh, snap.

5. Ellie Sattler, the feminist

“God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs … ” — Ian Malcolm
“Dinosaurs eat man. Woman inherits the earth.” — Ellie Sattler

Laura Dern absolutely sells this one, which is nice seeing as she is one of two female characters in this overwhelmingly male cast.

6. Ellie Sattler, the feminist: Part II

“Look, we can discuss sexism in survival situations when I get back.” — Ellie Sattler

It’s a shame we don’t actually get to hear this discussion.

7. Because raptors are smart, you know?

“Clever girl.” — Robert Muldoon

Jurassic Park’s game warden wraps up what we’re all thinking about the island’s shrewdest animals. They can open doors!

8. Grab those glutes

“Hold onto your butts.” — Ray Arnold

Samuel L. Jackson doesn’t get much screen time in this one, but the actor did manage to score one of the film’s most indelible one-liners.

9. You’re too young to be telling dad jokes, kid

“What do you call a blind dinosaur?” — Tim Murphy
“I don’t know.” — Dr. Alan Grant
“A do-you-think-he-saurus. What do you call a blind dinosaur’s dog?” — Tim Murphy
“You got me.” — Dr. Alan Grant
“A do-you-think-he-saurus rex.” — Tim Murphy

10. Because it’s not a ‘90s flick without a hacker

“It’s a UNIX system! I know this!” — Lex Murphy

Lex saves the day, teaching us all a valuable lesson in the process: Never underestimate the power of a computer nerd.

11. All that money, and you can’t even keep the dinosaurs in their enclosures?

“Spared no expense!” — John Hammond

Hammond is a capitalist through and through, believing anything can be fixed if enough money is thrown at it. Oft-repeated, this line becomes something like a mantra for the visionary. Is he trying to convince the park visitors or himself?

12. Lesson learned … kind of

“Mr. Hammond, after careful consideration, I’ve decided not to endorse your park.” — Dr. Alan Grant
“So have I.” — John Hammond

The final words of the film seem to close the door quite firmly on the potential for future dinosaur mishaps. Surely no one would be foolish enough to try this again. Right? Right?