7 Absurd Scenes From ‘Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom’ (And We Have No Problem With The Dinosaurs)
The latest “Jurassic World” installment hits theaters this week, and there is an exciting update from the previous iteration: This time, Bryce Dallas Howard runs around in flats. Like a normal human woman!
Well, boots. Whatever — at least it’s not spike heels, which was one of the most-discussed aspects of the last movie in 2015.
But while the “Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom” writers course-corrected Howard’s footwear problem, there are plenty of other absurd scenes in the much-anticipated action movie. Here are some of the most ridiculous ones. Many spoilers ahead.
1. People thought the former “Jurassic World” theme park would actually be safe.
In the first scene, two men are looking for dinosaur bones underwater at the former site of the dino park. One of them looks very nervous. The other says, “Relax, anything in here will be dead by now.” Guess who gets eaten by a hungry, swimming dinosaur almost immediately?
Also, these guys operating an underwater vehicle are wearing regular clothes. One of them is in a Hawaiian shirt. We don’t know about you, but if we’re going on a deep-sea raid, we’d maybe wear some scuba gear, have an emergency oxygen tank, something!
2. The computerized and mechanical parts of the former “Jurassic World” theme park still function.
It takes the movie’s whiz/token nerd about two minutes to get complex computer systems back up and running. We get it; he’s a genius. But where exactly does this island sit on the power grid? How is there any electricity still in this place?
3. Chris Pratt defies physics.
At one point, Chris Pratt — animal/velociraptor trainer extraordinaire — is immobilized by a tranquilizer dart and left for dead. Then a volcano explodes — and even though he can’t move his limbs, he drags himself away from the flowing lava.
Later, Pratt somersaults through a T. rex’s mouth.
Somehow, in the middle of house-building, Pratt has managed to develop Navy SEAL-like capabilities. The man outruns lava, shoots a gun while free-diving and punches people while running right past them.
4. A bunch of millionaires go to a dinosaur auction.
The bad guys in the movie decide they will sell dinos to the highest bidder, which is fine, but they also display the wild beasts in poorly constructed cages. And people decide to ATTEND this event.
There are about 47 better ways to handle selling off dinosaurs. Also, can we discuss their low, low prices? A bidder was able to snag a last-ever, walking-and-breathing Mesozoic-era creature for the price of a Manhattan condo.
5. There’s a successful dinosaur blood transfusion.
Did you even bother to check to see if they had the same blood type? Also, next time you donate blood and the nurse takes forever to find a vein, try not to think about how easy it was to get a bunch of blood from a Tyrannosaurus rex.
6. The lack of safety protocols at the Lockwood manor.
The secret laboratory has the same level of security as an iPhone 4. Four-digit code — really? Even an iPhone 6 lets you use a fingerprint.
It also seemed very unnecessary to have canisters of cyanide just hanging around.
7. (Almost) no one thinking any of this would go horribly awry.
The “Jurassic Park” movies reliably follow a central theme: Humans think they can handle these dinos; these dinos show them otherwise. Do these people have zero sense of recent history? Read a book! Run a Google search! But, most of all, always listen to Jeff Goldblum.